What I Do While Overwhelmed

Everybody feels overwhelmed in their lives, maybe even every week haha.  Something I realized what I do when I’m overwhelmed is just stop, ignore the problem, and deal with something easier instead and just push that problem to the future.  Usually I would just say, “oh that is just me being a procrastinator,” but as my accounting teacher said, you have to find the root of the problem, not a symptom. 

The example our teacher uses is that people go to the doctor and say “I have a fever and a runny nose.” No those are symptoms, the problem is you may have the flu or a sinus infection.  In the same vein, just saying I’m procrastinating isn’t enough, I have to find the cause.

Probably a big thing is that I’m worried I would make something worse.  When you are overwhelmed everything seems to be shaky and that one little action will cause everything to fall apart.  Since I don’t fully know what I want to do and how to proceed in this dangerous environment, I end up thinking that I may realize the answer later so I put it off till that time.  

An even bigger point is that sometimes I don’t want to take responsibility for the position I’m in.  It is almost like acting is admitting you are in a difficult position, and that it is your responsibility to get out of it.  Sometimes I feel it is someone else’s fault and that I should wait until that person makes a move before I make my own.  Maybe that person will come in and sweep the problem away because they are responsible too in my mind.  While I await the cavalry to save me, I do nothing, never fixing the problem.   

So those are two quick reasons I could think of why I don’t act when I’m overwhelmed.  It is bad to not do things at the time you need to do things the most, but like a deer in the headlights, problems sometimes makes you freeze.  

More Brain Dump

I’m really out of it today so I probably can’t write anything of substance, so I’ll just write random stuff. 

Being Pre-Comm means I have to take a language, which for me is Japanese.  I find it interesting how different people dedicate themselves to Japanese.  Some try to peruse it in every aspect of their lives; some fill their walls with kanji , others just ask a lot of questions.  I don’t know what my dedication to learning it is.  I had lunch with Baylee and Sam today and they were talking about how after they graduate how they want to work with Japanese or in Japan.  I never had such thoughts, so why do I put so much effort into learning this language? 

Also because this class is everyday, I have to plan my schedule around it.  It is really troublesome because I can’t take a lot of classes, but I am ok with that.  In my piano class I asked Liya if she is going to take piano again and she said “yeah I planned my schedule around it.” That is exactly what I do with Japanese but I never thought of planning my schedule around something else.  Just shows our priorities.

Because I was super out of it today, I avoided people during dinner but still Anne sat with me.  I feel so trapped because I wanted to talk and be normal but it was like my body wouldn’t let me do anything.  It is how I felt all day but it just annoyed me the most then.  She said that I was quieter than last year, which really hit me.  Not just quieter today, but from last year.  I have to agree with it, which makes me sad.  At this point I can’t tell which side can win, my super quiet side or my social side.  I feel I swing to the extremes of both of them and never find a middle. 

So whenever I’m in this strange state of not being able to do something, I have to make up something to do.  So I decided to try to change on of my habits. This is strange but I don’t actually look at females in the face…I know I know strange and I don’t really know why but I always turn away or just look far off.  I doubt people notice but for me it is really obvious.  Maybe that is why I recognize people by their hair style since I look at that more than their face.

 

Anyway so I felt this would be a good moment to practice that so I just stared at Anne’s face.  Might as well go all out you know haha.  I’ll need to practice more but I decided to start now. 

So yeah some random stuff because I don’t really want to talk about anything deep.