Even though I don’t think about school that much, I think
this time I’ll start off with it. Comm
school has been a pretty interesting experience for me. I was never super driven to do it, but it
really does end up becoming a part of you.
The hours doing homework, going to class, and working on projects …how
can it not influence you? Something our
teacher told us at the end is that we have battle-hardened confidence now. Even though it is cheesy, it really did
connect with me. With comm stuff before,
I never really struggled with it, so my confidence came from how easy it came
to me. Now after putting so much time
and energy into it, I can say that I did struggle with it, but I made it
through. I felt so behind from others
because school rarely stressed me, so I didn’t know how to deal with it as well
as others, but hopefully now when it happens again I can deal with it
better.
I said second year I felt my world was shrinking and I think
I can say that even more now. I cut out
even more clubs from my life and mostly used my free time for the ones left and
hanging out with friends. I know I am
supposed to be doing something with my college years, but I just felt like I
needed to be with my friends more than dedicating myself to a cause. The comm school teachers told us to not
forget who you are so maintaining this dedication was sort of my stand against
it. I hope that next semester I’ll have
more time to play guitar and piano, and go to my clubs more often.
From my Japanese trip I realized some thoughts and struggles
I thought I dealt with first year actually didn’t go away, and I think this
semester I had to deal with them properly.
Interacting with people made me really think why I believe certain
things and if that was the right way to approach something. Sometimes I overthought situations and got
sad, but with the help of others, I tried to come to terms with things and
improved. I have changed mentally in
small ways, but overall I think I have a better grasp of my own thoughts
instead of thinking too differently.
To be honest, the things that overwhelmed me the most this
semester was my emotions. Sometimes I
knew where they came from, other times they just came. Sometimes dealing with them hurt more and
other times ignoring them to work on comm projects made them worse. I don’t think I have fully solved this
problem, but in the same vein as comm school, I am more confident that if I feel
overwhelmed again I can deal with it.
Over this semester I think my biggest accomplishment is
becoming closer to people. I understand
the people around me much better and I hope by me explaining how I feel they understand
me better. I always found human relationships to be the hardest thing to
navigate and build. Still, there is
something amazing when you are surrounded by people who care about you. Yeah I’ve gotten pain and disappointment from
friendships, but Eva says that if you keep pushing past that, there is much more
joy to be had. While trying to figure
out things, along the way I’ve probably confused and irritated people. Don’t feel I should apologize for it; I can
only say thanks for everything.
Aaaaa I will try to be better ok haha. I’ll keep trying and hopefully I don’t fall
as much as I did this semester.
