Aesthetic Distance

I don’t know when, but at a certain point I gave up analyzing works.  I mean yes we have to analyze books, poems, letters, etc for class, but I really never cared for things that were not pertinent to myself.  My Professor’s Pick novel (a program where the professor gave a free book and we read it and discussed it with the professor) was “So Long, See You Tomorrow.” For me, the book was the destruction of friendship as the two main men slowly drifted apart until one kills the other.  I was connected more with the inability of humans to understand each other’s needs, but the Professor focused more on class and gender relations.

 I know how important those are to American history, but pretty much every book we read in high school the teacher pounded into our head to notice gender, class, race, all the things that divide humans and talk about the culture of the time.  I don’t know when I decided that I didn't want to think about those, almost purging that part of analysis out of my mind, but I think I have.  I care to think about those, so I didn't. I've pretty much have chosen to analyze what I feel connected to in a novel, which is not usually how the book should be analyzed because those other themes, even if I don’t want to analyze them, are very important.

The reason why I feel that my way of analysis is wrong is because of my Japanese literature class. The teacher explained the role of “aesthetic distance.” She didn't want to hear our very personal, visceral reactions but more on the fictional reality in the story.  I am one who feels for the character too much, which is good for novel read for fun, but not for analysis. The point of aesthetic distance is to think about the protagonist's plight not only from the reader's very personal experiences (which is very normal) but also from the protagonist's worldview as Wilson Sensei puts it.

I've said before that it seems my reflections for novels and poems seem like rants.  This is that visceral reaction that I need to learn to avoid (sorry Gus that you had to read all that every week). This semester in my literature class I’ll need to remember to keep some form of detachment from the characters.  One still needs to feel for them, but not enough that it would cloud the analyzing process.  My mind gets clouded easily when I read so I’ll work on honing my skills so I don’t sound like some ranting crazy person.  Just because I have something to say about the literature, doesn't mean it is constructive to the topic.

Friendship stuff

A thing I was thinking about a few days ago that I didn't vocalize. Something I don't know if I'll fully accept are friendships based solely on humor.  Humor in friends is nice, but it doesn't go deep.  They of course can coexist, but friendships solely based on humor are held together like a thread that is too easily severed.

Humans are so complex and are more deep than their humor lets on.  Humor is the easiest way to get someone to like your company and therefore become friends.  But is that all that is needed for a friendship?  In the long run, it would seem that humor hinders a friendship.  In the end, all that is left is a few inside jokes and no lasting bond between the people.

But then there is me.  Do I do anything about it?  Sometimes. The more important question is: Does that effect my attitude?  The answer to that is usually no.  Sometimes people reveal themselves; say horrible things about their past.  Things that go beyond the normal humorous and enjoyable conversations.  It may set the person in a different frame of mind for others, but for me it rarely changes my attitude towards the person.  When I met the person again, I just act like I normally do; the same old routine.  People may see it as me accepting their past and not feeling pity for them, but it is more of me not knowing how to deal with such info.  So does going beyond the humor have any effect on my friendships either?  I don't know.

Maybe the only thing I can rely on is hope.  I know based on my humor that it is grounded on what I'm actually thinking.  The brain that is making the joke is the same brain that is thinking. Something in that person's brain thinks the humor and that thought does reveal something about them...In ways I personally am horrible at reading.  In some form, humor and thoughts coexist and relate to each other. Hopefully that understanding leads to deeper friendships.

Morning blogging

Call me naive, but it was just yesterday that I learned the fallbacks of dedicating myself to one task.  For the past month my brain has been running solely on the thought of Japanese.  That could be because that class has my most work, but my life has revolved around it.  From talking to most of the teachers and going to my teacher's office hours to actively participating in Japan Club and going to Japanese related events, I've not done much else.

Why did I realize this now?  Well yesterday I was being taught DCF analysis.  It is a method used by financial people to calculate the value of companies.  Though it is something we learn 3rd year, it is important to know before comm school and for internships.  Comm school? internships? Remember those?  Yeah, my actual major.  There are people that dive into the financial world, and when I was surrounded by them I felt so behind.  I asked a lot of questions, which wasn't bad, but I felt I should have understood the info in the first place.  I've been slacking on my actual major, which isn't good.

This is not to say I know everything about Japanese; far from it.  I went to the JC fall fest after helping make the food, and there was a social consciousness I didn't feel a part of.  They all watched anime, they knew the Jpop songs, they knew the food names and how they should taste.  Again I felt so clueless.

After I left the fall fest after eating the food, I went to the University Singers concert.  Reminded me of that other part of my life I've been ignoring: music.  I barely practice my guitar; I just don't make the time for it.  More slacking on a talent I can actually be proud of.

This is probably all just time management issues, but if I say that I'll have to include activities, friends, relaxing time, and other random factors.  Balance is something I've never had to deal with and it is hard to wrap my brain around this.  Planning ahead to make sure all these paths of my life end in a place I want them to is seemingly impossible.  So yeah, I don't know what to do about it.

Why don't I hang out at the dorm more often?

Today was an interesting day.  Only a few know the extent of what happened and it should be kept that way, but it was a good struggle for everybody.  Maybe I'll just list off stuff I learned or relearned today so I hopefully will not forget it all.

Sitting with a friend even without talking to them is comfort enough.
Everybody has some sort of advice to give
power naps are awesome!
mental illness is a serious issue people
running without shoes is so awesome
coincidences can cause some bad chain of events
when something is revealed, a lot more comes out alongside it
There are some people in this world I struggle having conversation with
a dorm is crazy when school is canceled
knowing who you surround yourself with is crucial
Some people are too normal for their own good
sometimes people are forced to trust people they wouldn't usually trust
I'm horrible at time management...

yeah a strange list because of a strange day.  A good and revealing day that I actually felt like I lived.  I deserve a nice, long rest after this.  Who knew that staying at the dorm all day could actually be interesting.

Sonnet for Class

Title explains it.  Had to write a sonnet for class.  I didn't really follow the typical path of a sonnet.  Expand upon idea in second, change tone in third, finish with some strong point.  I did use the "but" on the 9th line like one is supposed to and I tried to follow the format, but I don't know if is close enough.

Dealings

The flow of present batters fragile minds

Like rivers that converge to center point

The brave who jump act mighty, but are blind

The unprepared men always disappoint.

The ones that understand their chosen path

Spend years preparing ships for going down

and taking knowledge so the mighty’s wrath

is turned to power. Willing gets the crown.

But some like I don’t seek the paths just named

Instead are pleased by dipping in the stream

The time so small to not be shamed or maimed

But not enough to move, progress, or dream.

The joys of life, though seem to never leave

Flow faster than a stream one could conceive.

What You Get for Going to a Smart School

People always said to me "Oh when you hit college you will not be the smartest, top student and you will feel shocked when everybody around you is just as smart."  That statement is pretty simplified, so maybe in this post I'll explore the aspects of that.

First to say, yes I was smart in my high school.  Just because I was smart doesn't mean I was the top.  People did clubs, activities, joined organizations, branched out.  I never did many of those that I put my heart into.  And just because I was smart didn't mean I was on top grade wise either.  My goal was that 4.0; people got better grades on test and quizzes.  It didn't shock me that I wasn't the top.  So in this instance, I never understood when people told me the statement that I will be shocked.

At UVA there are a lot of brilliant people.  I'm more shocked at their extracurricular than their stellar performance in the classroom.  They come in with knowledge that I feel is more important than stuff memorized in the classroom.  In that aspect of the statement I can agree.

In the 2016 class I'm not the smartest kid.  But that isn't a shock, actually it is pretty refreshing.  There is no stigma, no need to maintain a lofty air.  I can do what I wanted to do and chill in the shadow as others go crazy and compete.  As long as I get my 4.0 I'll be happy.

There is one thing with knowledge that does shock me.  In high school I was in all the advanced classes, so I had a broad knowledge base.  In the library I could hear people talking about a subject and most of the times I knew what they were talking about.  In college that isn't true at all.  I can walk by a whiteboard filled with information and not know what the heck it is saying.  I can hear a conversation about some obscure anthropological subject and not know what is being talked about.  It is strange not having that broad knowledge and being sectioned into a few subjects in preparation for a major.

So in some aspects I am shocked, some I'm not.  I'll say that very simplified statement sort of encapsulates how people will feel in college.

A Month Done

So everything is starting to settle down.  Works is more systematic.  Friend groups are pretty much established.  People sort of have a plan for their day and know when they are doing what.

It seemed before the wonders of college were right in your face.  At the beginning everything is always new and exciting.  But I guess that is how a new environment is supposed to be.  You get swept up in it.  Now since things have calmed down, I have to pursue things to find those wonders.

Now I'm not talking about big things at all.  Like yesterday I decided instead of working on my Comm assignment I went to Clemons Media Room and watch TV on the flat screen.  Today I went into student health to get some bandages and saw that there was a full hospital at UVA.  Just stuff I haven't noted before are wonders.

Too much to explore but so little time.  No, not so little time, no motivation.  Maybe I should make some trials and actually do them.  For example, one week I have to go solely on Meal Exchange.  I can't eat at the dining hall, only have to know when I can get food from the local eating places using my meal swipes.  Another is using the bus only for a week.

Why would think to torture myself like this?  Because I will not learn any other way.  Knowing when I can get food from somewhere other than a dining hall or knowing if I'm going to be late I can catch this bus to go to that place is important.  But at the moment I never need to know this knowledge so I don't care to learn it.  Only if I force myself will I actually learn.

Back to (not) writing my essay.