Cognitive Dissonance in Life

I usually have some intro stuff before I say what I want to say, but I got nothing so I'll just say it: this society is way too utilitarian.  No not really in the econ sense of the word, but in the sense that we must give a reason for everything we do.  There has to be some good or benefit in our actions.  I guess this reasoning is derived from the idea that we have a limited time on this Earth, but I don't know if it truly makes sense to me.

Some of it does of course.  I go to school for the payoff of a job in the future.  Then I will work a job so I get the benefit of cash, which I can use to get things I want.  In that sense, our lives are spent doing things for the sake of something else.  We don't really have to like the process as long as we like the end result.  

That sort of means that things don't have their own value, just a derived value.  Money is only valuable because it gets you things.  Work can be seen the same way since one primarily does it for money.  But can all activities be classified this way? The answer is yes they can be, but they really shouldn't be.  

In my life I have many examples of this, but I guess the best is Japanese.  If we must give a reason for everything we do I can say "it can get me a good job," "knowing another language is helpful," "I use a different part of my brain that helps my thinking skills," etc.  The thing is, none of those are wrong.  I could say these statements and believe them because they are all true and no one can refute it.  But in the end, it is all just rationalization.  I am not learning Japanese for a job or to boost my brain, I'm just doing it.  

The worth of an activity shouldn't just be valued on the end benefit.  Sometimes we just need to dedicate ourselves to the deed and not to the outcome.  I guess that is what we consider playing (adults can play too!) Growing up can be cruel as it makes us forget this natural idea as we get bogged by responsibilities and work.  For the few that can find something the truly enjoy and get payed for it, I'm impressed.  For the rest, it is the times we play in life that we want to talk about, want to express to others, and what ultimately keeps us sane.

Oh and Happy Birthday Fawzia!

Blank Slate

My friend reminded me that in the high school quarter system that it is the fourth quarter, so that means that school is drawing to a close.  That means another year is over and another group of people are graduating from high school or college.  For me it means that my first year at UVA will be done.  I don’t really want to write a reflection post on my first year because that would be way too long, so I’ll just stick with one topic. 

Sometimes I feel I understand what I am doing and how I justify my actions based on the fact I have been with me for so long, but one thing about myself I still can’t come to grips with.  Whenever I go into a new environment, I forget my past and neglect it.  Confusing right?  Might as well explain it using college as an example. 

College for all should be somewhat a fresh start, new people, new environment, etc. For some reason, when I went to college, my life was “reset” so to speak.  It was like I started at age 0 and nothing from the past was relevant anymore.  It was almost like 18 years of my life vanished. 

It was only during fall break in the first semester did I realize I innately did this.  Coming home was weird and I felt I forgot it all.  It made me remember that the new friends I made in 2 months had 18 years of life before meeting me.  It shook me how easily I rejected my past. 

I don’t know if this is what people mean when they say they want a blank slate in college.  I think saying you want a blank slate means you want to try to start things over, but embedded in that wish means you have to reject some of your past.  It is impossible to start fully from year 0, and even though my mind got close, I realized it isn’t the right approach to life. 

So people who are transitioning to college, workforce, any higher education, etc., I say do not wish to have a blank slate.  The memories and experiences in your life are yours and will be a part of you forever.  To reject that is a fault in thinking.  It is probably a fault I committed accidentally, but that is no excuse for me.