Friendship stuff

A thing I was thinking about a few days ago that I didn't vocalize. Something I don't know if I'll fully accept are friendships based solely on humor.  Humor in friends is nice, but it doesn't go deep.  They of course can coexist, but friendships solely based on humor are held together like a thread that is too easily severed.

Humans are so complex and are more deep than their humor lets on.  Humor is the easiest way to get someone to like your company and therefore become friends.  But is that all that is needed for a friendship?  In the long run, it would seem that humor hinders a friendship.  In the end, all that is left is a few inside jokes and no lasting bond between the people.

But then there is me.  Do I do anything about it?  Sometimes. The more important question is: Does that effect my attitude?  The answer to that is usually no.  Sometimes people reveal themselves; say horrible things about their past.  Things that go beyond the normal humorous and enjoyable conversations.  It may set the person in a different frame of mind for others, but for me it rarely changes my attitude towards the person.  When I met the person again, I just act like I normally do; the same old routine.  People may see it as me accepting their past and not feeling pity for them, but it is more of me not knowing how to deal with such info.  So does going beyond the humor have any effect on my friendships either?  I don't know.

Maybe the only thing I can rely on is hope.  I know based on my humor that it is grounded on what I'm actually thinking.  The brain that is making the joke is the same brain that is thinking. Something in that person's brain thinks the humor and that thought does reveal something about them...In ways I personally am horrible at reading.  In some form, humor and thoughts coexist and relate to each other. Hopefully that understanding leads to deeper friendships.

Morning blogging

Call me naive, but it was just yesterday that I learned the fallbacks of dedicating myself to one task.  For the past month my brain has been running solely on the thought of Japanese.  That could be because that class has my most work, but my life has revolved around it.  From talking to most of the teachers and going to my teacher's office hours to actively participating in Japan Club and going to Japanese related events, I've not done much else.

Why did I realize this now?  Well yesterday I was being taught DCF analysis.  It is a method used by financial people to calculate the value of companies.  Though it is something we learn 3rd year, it is important to know before comm school and for internships.  Comm school? internships? Remember those?  Yeah, my actual major.  There are people that dive into the financial world, and when I was surrounded by them I felt so behind.  I asked a lot of questions, which wasn't bad, but I felt I should have understood the info in the first place.  I've been slacking on my actual major, which isn't good.

This is not to say I know everything about Japanese; far from it.  I went to the JC fall fest after helping make the food, and there was a social consciousness I didn't feel a part of.  They all watched anime, they knew the Jpop songs, they knew the food names and how they should taste.  Again I felt so clueless.

After I left the fall fest after eating the food, I went to the University Singers concert.  Reminded me of that other part of my life I've been ignoring: music.  I barely practice my guitar; I just don't make the time for it.  More slacking on a talent I can actually be proud of.

This is probably all just time management issues, but if I say that I'll have to include activities, friends, relaxing time, and other random factors.  Balance is something I've never had to deal with and it is hard to wrap my brain around this.  Planning ahead to make sure all these paths of my life end in a place I want them to is seemingly impossible.  So yeah, I don't know what to do about it.

Why don't I hang out at the dorm more often?

Today was an interesting day.  Only a few know the extent of what happened and it should be kept that way, but it was a good struggle for everybody.  Maybe I'll just list off stuff I learned or relearned today so I hopefully will not forget it all.

Sitting with a friend even without talking to them is comfort enough.
Everybody has some sort of advice to give
power naps are awesome!
mental illness is a serious issue people
running without shoes is so awesome
coincidences can cause some bad chain of events
when something is revealed, a lot more comes out alongside it
There are some people in this world I struggle having conversation with
a dorm is crazy when school is canceled
knowing who you surround yourself with is crucial
Some people are too normal for their own good
sometimes people are forced to trust people they wouldn't usually trust
I'm horrible at time management...

yeah a strange list because of a strange day.  A good and revealing day that I actually felt like I lived.  I deserve a nice, long rest after this.  Who knew that staying at the dorm all day could actually be interesting.

Sonnet for Class

Title explains it.  Had to write a sonnet for class.  I didn't really follow the typical path of a sonnet.  Expand upon idea in second, change tone in third, finish with some strong point.  I did use the "but" on the 9th line like one is supposed to and I tried to follow the format, but I don't know if is close enough.

Dealings

The flow of present batters fragile minds

Like rivers that converge to center point

The brave who jump act mighty, but are blind

The unprepared men always disappoint.

The ones that understand their chosen path

Spend years preparing ships for going down

and taking knowledge so the mighty’s wrath

is turned to power. Willing gets the crown.

But some like I don’t seek the paths just named

Instead are pleased by dipping in the stream

The time so small to not be shamed or maimed

But not enough to move, progress, or dream.

The joys of life, though seem to never leave

Flow faster than a stream one could conceive.

What You Get for Going to a Smart School

People always said to me "Oh when you hit college you will not be the smartest, top student and you will feel shocked when everybody around you is just as smart."  That statement is pretty simplified, so maybe in this post I'll explore the aspects of that.

First to say, yes I was smart in my high school.  Just because I was smart doesn't mean I was the top.  People did clubs, activities, joined organizations, branched out.  I never did many of those that I put my heart into.  And just because I was smart didn't mean I was on top grade wise either.  My goal was that 4.0; people got better grades on test and quizzes.  It didn't shock me that I wasn't the top.  So in this instance, I never understood when people told me the statement that I will be shocked.

At UVA there are a lot of brilliant people.  I'm more shocked at their extracurricular than their stellar performance in the classroom.  They come in with knowledge that I feel is more important than stuff memorized in the classroom.  In that aspect of the statement I can agree.

In the 2016 class I'm not the smartest kid.  But that isn't a shock, actually it is pretty refreshing.  There is no stigma, no need to maintain a lofty air.  I can do what I wanted to do and chill in the shadow as others go crazy and compete.  As long as I get my 4.0 I'll be happy.

There is one thing with knowledge that does shock me.  In high school I was in all the advanced classes, so I had a broad knowledge base.  In the library I could hear people talking about a subject and most of the times I knew what they were talking about.  In college that isn't true at all.  I can walk by a whiteboard filled with information and not know what the heck it is saying.  I can hear a conversation about some obscure anthropological subject and not know what is being talked about.  It is strange not having that broad knowledge and being sectioned into a few subjects in preparation for a major.

So in some aspects I am shocked, some I'm not.  I'll say that very simplified statement sort of encapsulates how people will feel in college.

A Month Done

So everything is starting to settle down.  Works is more systematic.  Friend groups are pretty much established.  People sort of have a plan for their day and know when they are doing what.

It seemed before the wonders of college were right in your face.  At the beginning everything is always new and exciting.  But I guess that is how a new environment is supposed to be.  You get swept up in it.  Now since things have calmed down, I have to pursue things to find those wonders.

Now I'm not talking about big things at all.  Like yesterday I decided instead of working on my Comm assignment I went to Clemons Media Room and watch TV on the flat screen.  Today I went into student health to get some bandages and saw that there was a full hospital at UVA.  Just stuff I haven't noted before are wonders.

Too much to explore but so little time.  No, not so little time, no motivation.  Maybe I should make some trials and actually do them.  For example, one week I have to go solely on Meal Exchange.  I can't eat at the dining hall, only have to know when I can get food from the local eating places using my meal swipes.  Another is using the bus only for a week.

Why would think to torture myself like this?  Because I will not learn any other way.  Knowing when I can get food from somewhere other than a dining hall or knowing if I'm going to be late I can catch this bus to go to that place is important.  But at the moment I never need to know this knowledge so I don't care to learn it.  Only if I force myself will I actually learn.

Back to (not) writing my essay.

Blogging

Taking precious time from my homework time to blog.  Let's make this quick.

On week three I've finally feeling the pressure of my new way of thinking.  Being in so many clubs and hanging out with friends takes up almost of all of my time.  Homework has been done whenever I can.

Now for most this seems normal.  In high school most people did clubs and hanged out with friends a lot, so this idea is pretty obvious.  But I never did those things.  My days were filled with huge gaps of nothing.  Now I was pretty content with that so don't feel sorry for me; alone time is always nice.

Now I'm thrust into this crazy world of college.  Since I didn't learn the skills required in high school, it is all an experiment from here.  This means I'm getting sloppy in my dealings with people.  I'm more apt to categorize people now and deal with them based on my whims.  This ends up causing some tension, which requires more time to fix.  I'll need to get more efficient.

I've wondered if I miss my old way of life.  Sure if I had time I would love to read or watch TV, but I'm also happy with me running across the grounds from one event to the next.  People have different views on how college should be.  I say that college should just be a whirlwind of awesome.  There is no need to reflect at the moment, just keep moving forward 

And just for a record, for those who think that "you learn more out of the classroom in college than in it" is bull, then you are sadly mistaken.  I've even ended up using the knowledge learned in class to my life, not only the subject at hand.  I'll leave that vague as I end it.  I have a huge amount of homework due...

Stuff to say before the first day of classes and first day of classes

Thought I would list some stuff without really describing them.

College is obviously new to everybody, so it is really cool how everybody is open to see if friendships will work or not.  I don't know how constricted that will get in the next few weeks, but for now you can walk up to anybody and they will not brush you aside.  Still, the majority of people still are hanging out with the friends they have.  When classes and clubs start, everything will change.

This openness means you feel a certain connection.  Like for example, the people on my floor have a connection so feel more obligated to be friendly to each other.  Same is probably true with all the asians I've been hanging out with.  Probably will change later, but the sense of obligation is prevalent the first 3 days.


So this is stuff from the first day of classes.  Wow, I didn't realize how much work I'll be doing.  Only the first day and I have so much homework.  Japanese was a small class and we just went over basic greetings.  Econ was huge with 500 people and the professor just introduced stuff.  The same is true with the 250 person commerce class.  It is college, I should have expected this.  More classes tomorrow, so even more homework.  What fun...

First Day

Only time I will completely describe my day, so be happy.

So got to UVA at 11.  Was crowded but didn't hinder me at all.  Moved my stuff all upstairs.  My roommate Ryan had a ton more stuff and I don't know how it is all in this dorm.  My table is a complete mess with all my random crap on it.  I'll organize it tomorrow.  Our power plugs were not working.  Other Anh (I need a better name for her) was a greeter and I met her as she just came in to check to see if I was doing ok.

Then I went to O'Hill for lunch with my parents around 12.  After eating random breakfast food, I said goodbye to my parents (wasn't that tearful at all) then went to my dorm to get my bag.  Started to lightly rain.  There I met my RA Mark.  He showed me his room and it is big compared to ours.  Drums sets everywhere.  He showed me how to sent up internet and send a work order for the power.

After that, I hit the streets to see what was happening.  It was getting close to 1 and the president was addressing the student body, but I saw Abhinav and Patrick walking the street.  I joined up with them to go to Thatcher's dorm.  Small but livable. We chilled there until 2.

From there I went to the Engineering food activity (cookies and lemonade).  Took 5 min then walked to another address.  Got bored during the address in 5 min so I explored the music building.  I saw the pianos downstairs and messed with one for a while.

I went back on the street and met up with Abhinav and Patrick again.  We walked all the way to Patrick's dorm and sat around there until 3:30.  He has a suite so a single room, which is nice I guess.  From there I had to walk all the way from that distant building to an ice cream social for international students in a downpour.  (You may be noticing I invade socials I shouldn't go to).  Other Anh, Arden, and I ate ice cream while listening to a cello and harp duet.

From there we went to other Anh's dorm.  Being a second year and living in Brown, her dorm was nice.  At 5:30, Brown was having a cookout so we went to that and ate good food (compared to O'Hill).  I had to be back at my dorm at 6:15 so I ran back in the rain.

We had icebreakers and talk about drugs; typical RA stuff.  At 9 there was a concert so our dorm went.  I'm not a big fan of concerts so after about 20 min I left.  I joined up with some Warrenton campus students to go to the blockparty.  Just to observe what a real UVA party is like.

Literally the whole block was just filled with drunk people.  All the building were full and people were in the streets even in the rain.  I thought it was pretty funny and scary at the same time.

At 12 I got back to my dorm and went into my senior resident's room.  Her room is huge.  A whole kitchen in there!  She had food so I ate some and talked to the RA that were in there.  She decided to go to sleep so I came back to my dorm.  End of an eventful day.

Books Read

List of books I read this summer.  I know I know, very small list.  I didn't volunteer this year so I didn't have time to read on the job.  The (# books) lists the number of books of the series I have read so far, not the number of book out or will be out.  Ones without numbers implies 1 book.  At the end I put what I got out of the novel. 

Kara no Kyoukai series by Kinoko Nasu (4 books).  Earliest work of Nasu.  Being his first, plot is iffy, but the characters are amazing and just what you expect from him.  Anybody can be redeemed. 

Fate/Zero by Gen Urobuchi (4 books).  If Kara no Kyoukai is the earliest work of Nasu, Fate/Zero is the culmination of everything he and his company have created.  A compelling story line filled with so many multi-faceted characters.  Sometimes virtue comes in many forms. 

The Trial by Franz Kafka.  Had to get some Existentialist reading in, so Kafka was the right choice.  Weird book, but in a good way.  Reminded me of the good old Camus novels.  The world isn’t kind or in black or white.

City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare.  Part of a series.  I felt the series was going downhill, but the characters are actually doing something in this book.  Guess that means something good for the next book.  Know your friends, know what you stand for. 

Pretty Little Liars series by Sara Shepard (2 books).  Wanted to know what all the buzz was about so I started reading it.  I guess it was mildly interesting but slightly annoying sometimes.  Be careful who you trust.  

Sword Art Online series by Reki Kawahara (8 books).  Story that is grandiose, but doesn’t act that way at all.  It still understand that with a big setting must also come character development (albeit slightly confusing) and insight.  I was very impressed by how the characters grew to become what they are so far in the series.  No matter what the world is like, make the best out of it. 

Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai by Yomi Hirasaka (6 books).  A funny series I wanted to read.  Comedy is the game and the characters know how to play it.  Sometimes being kind and supportive is the best way to make friends. 

Gekkou by Natsuki Mamiya.  The wit in this novel is just awesome.  Not a typical detective story at all.  Girl power all the way. 

Tabi ni Deyou, Horobiyuku Sekai no Hate Made by Tadahito Yorozuya.  Not a book I would usually read, but it was sweet.  Two kids journeying to the end of the earth, meeting friends along the way.  Just a nice, relaxing read.  The past doesn’t define you. 

The First Confessor by Terry Goodkind.  Another chapter in my favorite series.  Randian philosophy everywhere wrapping a nicely woven story.  You are who you are, no more no less.  Seek truth no matter what.  

Kanji, Vocab, and Grammar

It has begun!  The most hated part of Japanese is what I shall now delve into.  Yes, I decided to start looking at some kanji.  I have to say, it isn't that fun.  Random lines formed from radicals with meaning, but can be said different ways.  If the kanji is alone it is said one way, but when it is with other stuff it is said another way.  I'll need to memorize all these random name changes.

This leads to vocab.  Kanji needs to be used to create words.  The only reason I'm not that good at vocab is the different ways to say the kanji.  The meanings are pretty straight forward if you take the time to think about them.

Vocab actually makes me realize that this is a language.  What do I mean by that?  Well the only things I have studied are hiragana and katakana.  It is like just looking at the english alphabet.  One has no idea how to take those and create a language.  Seeing those symbols put together to express thought is what I need right now.

Vocab also makes me realize that I need to brush up on some grammar.  Not only Japanese grammar, which is its own beast, but common grammar as well.  Right now I've been looking at intransitive and transitive Japanese verbs, which isn't fun at all.  Have to understand how to use them in Japanese sentences so people can understand what I say.

Well plan for this week.  Really hammer this katakana in because I haven't.  Slowly look at some vocab over and over again.  Then on Thursday start looking at a huge about of stuff in my final push towards college.  

Morals in Novels

Books that we read as a child have morals right?  Not to do this or act this way.  Since most of us, hopefully, have progressed beyond that basic stage, novels have to spread something different.

I don't know if every book I've read has a message, but most of the good ones want the reader to take something out of the story other than the straight plotline.  Sometimes people get messages out of a story that wasn't even intended.  One cannot forget Hemingway's quote about the Old Man and the Sea "There isn't any symbolism. The sea is the sea. The old man is the old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The sharks are sharks, no better, no worse. All the symbolism people say is shit. What goes beyond is what you see beyond when you know"

Maybe a reader can get something out of a novel that wasn’t intended by the author.  So why did I write this post?  Well since Sword Art Online has become an anime, I’ve be looking at forums to see how people are taking in the show. For those of you who don’t know, premise of the show are 10,000 people stuck in a virtual reality world where the only way to get out is beat the 100 levels of the world.  If the person dies in the game, that person dies in real life. 

 Some see the show as an action show, only living for the crazy fight scenes.  Some see the show as a romance show, waiting for the boy and girl love to blossom though a series of expected tropes. 

I can agree that those are important themes of the story, but I got an entirely different message.  When the people in the game realized they were stuck, a general panic ensued.  Away from their normal lives with almost no hope of going back, the gamers went in various mental directions, some staying in town all the time, some grouping together and fighting in groups, and some choosing to go solo. 

The message of the novels in my opinion is people should make the best of what they have.  The main character doesn’t hate on his fate or imagine the world as a fake world he needs to break out of.  He sees the world as the reality he lives in now.  He doesn’t see the time trapped in the game as time lost.  There is a chance of death in the real world as there is in the virtual world, so he doesn’t see the worlds as different. He finds a way to succeed through risk while others choose to play it safe.  On the other hand, he still lives his life and isn’t solely dedicated to escaping the world.  Taking the situation he is faced in and making the best of it is the lesson I got from the novels, and I hope other readers see beyond the fighting and romance to see that too. 

I Need to Work Harder!

I would blog about my progress in Japanese...but I'm not gonna.  I have to say, it is hard to progress.  I didn't expect it to be easy, but I don't understand how I can retain this info when I'm never actually using it.

This is a point that happens for everybody.  A time where talent can only be progressed by work ethic.  My work ethic is so low it is pitiful.  This is why I can't move on.  Basic skills can be a helpful tool, but only dedication can actually advance me.

I've learned to not focus on others.  I shouldn't care if my pace is slow compared to other learners.  I shouldn't care that others already know the language and will sail past this class at UVA.  My only competitor should be myself.  Seeking to be better than I was before.  Being bogged down isn't an option.

I have to say that being great doesn't come from people telling you "you can do it" or "you can't do it." Nor does being great come from complaining about the bad hand you were dealt with in life.  The only way to become great is by challenging the only rival I have: myself.  The difference between moving forward and being stagnant rests on this.

Never realized how important the mental aspect is in everything one does.  Maybe if I knew that I would have done better in Academic Team.  I'll try to be more light-hearted in the next post.

Fiction vs. Non-Fiction

What to read: fiction or non-fiction.  It is a controversy that spans…my brain.  When I was little, the only section you would find me in the library was the non-fiction section.  Everything was there: science, history, mythology, health, all this knowledge.  Hence why I’m good at Academic Team, I started early.  The best part was it was easily written for little kids, so the knowledge could be passed without getting too complicated. 

But now look at adult non-fiction books.  Not the ones written like a narrative, the adult analog of the books I read.  The answer is pretty much textbooks.  Even if not textbooks, say if they were written in an interesting format, it requires work.  I can’t read an actual book about physics without encountering math and science at advanced levels.  Now that is great, but it is not light reading.  Not something I reach for when I want to relax and read. 

And that is why I mostly read fiction now.  One can say non-fiction is intricacy that is unattainable while fiction is intricacy that is attainable.  Novels can have complicated plots, but they are tailored to be read by most people.  Fiction is accessible to all, while non-fiction is only accessible to people who understand background info.  So for fun I read fiction nowadays, but it wasn’t how I always did things.  

Avatars

No not the blue monsters, and not the sweet benders, but those little pics beside names.  I’m weird, but those avatars are how I picture people.  Not people I know, but people I’ve never met.  Like if I’m on a forum, the appearance of their avatar can dictate their attitudes.  In my mind since I don’t have a real life voice for them, the avatar replaces that.

 

So it always confuses me when I see an avatar changed.  Not only have I associated a person with the picture, but also their attitude.  Now after I read their posts and stuff, that connection fades a bit, but it still exists. 

For forums, I usually pick a funny picture that deals with the topic at hand.  Subtle commentary on what is happening through my pic just in case anybody is paying attention. 

Nothing else to say about this so I’m done.  

Online Friends

So I was thinking, is it possible to have a real friendship completely online or without any person to person interaction?  You know the movies always show it.  Penpals and such messaging each other.  But is that even a reality?  Our society does not consider online conversation to be on par with in person conversations. 

Face it, when have we heard long distant relationships actually working?  I guess there is something about talking and meeting with people in real life.  Even in those movies with people constantly writing each other, the dramatic moment is when they met in real life. 

There are many people who I only talk to online.  But those relationships are people I talked to in real life first.  The world makes it so easy to drift away from people if you don’t meet them in real life.  What is it about online conversations that don’t hold the same value.  Is “hanging out” that much of a friendship bonding experience?  Maybe the phrase, “out of sight, out of mind” is really true.  Humans, how weird you are.  

Behold, I am coming like a thief. Blessed is the one who stays awake and keeps his clothes, so that he will not walk about naked and men will not see his shame

Here it is, the long stretch until college.  Relaxing before I will have to work super hard in college.  Right now my life has been pretty much Olympics.  There are so many random sports going on and I want to witness them all.  I’m doing a pretty good job at that.  I try to watch the medal battles because they have the best of the best, but I end up watching some American teams as well.  China is kicking our butt in medal in this first half of the Olympics, let’s see how the U.S. does in the track and field area.  America may pick up medals here and there, but what we excel at is swimming and gymnastics.  Let the Chinese have the rest. 

I’ll blog more about my Japanese when I actually do something.  I have slowed down my pace because of the Olympics.  Hard to focus on a different language.  I should start looking at some grammar next week so something will happen then. 

My ear has been bothering me again.  My eustachian tube doesn’t like to be open.  Well at least it is better than when I was a kid, but it still isn’t fun.  Doesn’t let me sleep.  My last night sleep was the best sleep I’ve had in a while, maybe I was so tired from staying up until 2. 

I got my tentative class schedule down for now.  Subject to change.  My core classes are First Year Japanese (obviously), Microeconomics, and Making Business Work.  Japanese will be killer; the workload is legendary.  Micro is a basic lecture class so average work.  Making Business Work is supposedly a fairly easy course so I’ll learn excel and how to fix Target like a boss.  I took two random course to fill in my other spots.  One is The Long and Short Poem.  Poetry is awesome so this class looked cool.  

My great grandfather is coming on Friday.  I believe this is his first time in America.  So it is time again to head over to D.C. and show off all those museums.  I wonder how bored people in New York feel to keep showing off the Statue of Liberty and Niagara Falls.  

Well I guess I'll go with my schedule of anime, olympics, japanese, guitar, and reading until the 25th.  

Days 1-3 of Japanese

Days 1-3 refer to Monday to Wednesday.

So yeah, being lazy and relearning hiragana at my very slow pace.  I know the basic characters, but haven't really looked at the combination ones.  Be proud guys, on Wednesday I studied for a whole 12 minutes!  This really does signify the philosophy I have.  What is the point studying material for hours upon hours on end?  Sure, the recall may be better, but it isn't worth it.  If I can mostly remember something the next day because of 12 min. of studying, then there is no point putting in all that extra time.  It would make learning tedious, going through drills over and over again.

So yeah.  I'd say 15 min. a day is good enough to retain the information the next day.  I have a month, so there is no point to spend one day and pour over the material for hours. A little time everyday is much better.   The only thing I really use to learn this script is flashcards.  There is this program I have called Anki, which is a flashcard generation.  The cool thing about it is that after you answer a flashcard, you can say if it was easy or hard.  Through that, the program can tell when to show you the flashcard again.

Anki is the reason my study times are so low.  If I answer a card right on the second day, it will show me the card four days later.  Now this seems bad since I will not see this information for four days, but if I can remember it after four days, then it is probably in my brain.  If I don't get it right, then it will show it to me the next day.  A counter-intuitive algorithm that works.

Back to the Learning of the Japanese

It is almost August an I haven't learned any of the language.  People have stated online that UVA east asian languages are crazy hard.  I better start preparing now.  So far it seems my plan is to study for about...5 min a day everyday until I go to UVA.  Based on what I've read and heard, going in with hiragana, katakana, and some basic Japanese phrases memorized is a good plan.

So first thing is first, time to relearn hiragana, the most commonly used Japanese script.  It shouldn't be too bad since I learned it before, like 4 months ago.  Just need to relearn it now.  This week's plan is to learn hiragana completely and then slowly start on katakana, which I don't know at all.

I don't really know how I would provide updates unless I just write everyday like "guys I learned 10 more hiragana!"  I'll probably just talk about what I'm doing and stuff like that.

If you thought I was joking about that 5 min thing, I'm not.  I get through about two songs on my iPod before I get bored and do something else.  Sigh this is going to be a pain to learn.  Languages are cool but take a lot of effort to learn.  I need incentive...or negative feedback in the form of a bad grade.  This is why I need the structure of a class, at least for a language.

PAVAN: Day...THIS WAS MY ONLY DAY!

Time to do one of those posts about my day. So I went to PAVAN on visitor's day, fun stuff.  It felt like old times.

PAVAN starts at 9...

So I got there super early as usual.  Since Sherando is a 5 min drive for me compared to most of the kids who come from Loudoun County, I end up at this time seen in the pic compared to 9.  So I chilled and played guitar and waited for the famed guitar teachers, Michael DeLalla and Keith Filppu, to arrive.  After talking and making jokes about Jorge Cardoso aka The Most Interesting Guitarist in the World, people arrived and we got to class.  

There is the man himself

In the beginning, we did an hour yoga session with our very own coordinator AJ Ikner.

 

Embracing my inner yogi (me on the left)

She knew exactly the problems that plagued a guitarist because our instrument is so awkward.  Our hands and wrists are weirdly bent, our shoulders are never straight, posture sometimes get in the way of playing, and a guitar on the chest and stomach doesn't help with breathing.  Other than that, she wanted to fix our mental ideas.  In classical music, mistakes are evil, but she wanted us to get past that.  She talked about her own insecurities and how she overcame them.  She realized her problems were mostly caused by herself that cycled and escalating into failure.  She told us to think neutrally instead of negativity.  She said, instead of saying "I suck" say "That isn't what I intended."  that neutral tone will allow us to get past our mistakes and be better players. 

Improv skills over here

Enough of that.  After yoga, we did improvisation.  The worst thing for me.  I can't hear notes so I don't know if what I'm playing fits with what everybody is doing.  At one point Michael (guitar teacher) told me to start the improv.  Boy did I just play some random notes.  According to my friend Alex, it had "no rhythm, was too classical, and goddamn slow." Oh well, somebody else grounded it with some arpeggios.  

FIGHT! (the secondary one after the first one; I was laughing to hard to take a pic of the  real "fight"

Then lunch.  Only thing cool that happened at lunch was that a "fight" broke out.  I say "fight" because it was an act staged by the drama wing of PAVAN.  It was so funny.  Girls fighting while the boys kept trying to intervene.  I think one girl accidentally got a bloody nose, that or she is a really good actor and faked it even when she didn't have to.   

A pic of my main man Joe Kane tuning his guitar

After lunch was music theory.  Went over the circle of fifth, major and minor scales, keys, stuff like that.  Mostly how they applied to guitarists while accompanying a singer or just transposing a song. Man I forgot how good a lecturer Michael was.  Teaching, proving examples, helping students when they don't understand, what a boss.  

Small Ensemble

After that was small ensemble.  Students are in groups for three and four and learn a trio or quartet piece.  I roamed around and heard what they were doing.  One of them for some reason couldn't count music right so they were all our of sync.  I counted outloud with them and told them which beats to play on, but they couldn't do it.  I gave up and called Michael in to deal with them.  Went to another, which was playing Mango Tango by Jurg Kindle.  Just for the record, Kindle is one of my all the favorite guitar composers.  I played that piece back in the day so I could at least give some pointers to those guys.  

It was cool to talk to students who view guitar not as a hobby but as their lives.  They are way more dedicated to it than I am and have a passion I wish I could have.  It was so great to be in that environment after such a long time.  How I miss being in PAVAN.  I'll definitely be at the final performance on Friday, but in the audience instead of on stage.  I wish I could just sneak in...as long as AJ doesn't see me.  All jokes aside, probably the best day of my summer.

Orientation

So as you well know I went to orientation Monday and Tuesday. Of course it was all a joke and pretty worthless.  Still I got a feel of the place, which is what I wanted to write about.  My overall impression of the place was pretty wary. Much more wary than when I went to St. Louis.  Don’t know why I felt that way, maybe because there were streets in the middle of the campus, which I thought was strange. 

I don’t know why I felt that because whenever I go to these situations, I always feel it isn’t reality.  It is a break from my normal daily life that I know will go back to normal again in two days.  In that circumstance, how can I think of it otherwise?  I don’t care about what I eat, how much sleep I get, who I talk to, because in the end, my life will be back to normal and all that stuff will not matter anymore. 

But there is a difference between this case and the others: UVA will be my home for four years.  In that sense, orientation isn’t productive.  It gives a false sense of living there.  The fake reality we all created for those two days, where everybody is joyful and talkative to everybody, where it feels more like a vacation than a place to go to school, all of it is just wrong. 

This is the seed of my worry.  I don’t want to be miserable my four years of college, and I don’t expect myself to.  But I hear people praise college and over exaggerate it so much, it is hard to know what it really is like.  I go to orientation and see people act that way, even though I know that can’t really exist.  I guess people can’t really come to terms with reality until they realize later they are in it.  I am probably going to be the same way so I guess I’ll wait until August to see what college is really like.  

Emotions Are So Much Fun...

There comes a point in life where stuff isn't just passed on to you.  Eventually a person has to move on from receiving and become the person giving.  We grow up and it is expected that we take some of the responsibility of the world.

Why am I saying this?  PAVAN started this week.  PAVAN is a 2 week music program that I have participated in for four years. My time with it is over and I can only witness the next generation going through the molding process I went through.  It is strange and makes me horribly sad that I'm sitting here and not playing guitar with a group of my friends.  Instead of feeling proud and happy I'm sitting here irritated.  Why do I have to move on?  I hate it so much that I can't even do anything today.

PAVAN was probably the greatest experience of my life and I miss it too dearly.  I feel that most of my anger stems from me feeling like I'm still empty after leaving it.  In the end, what did I really get from the program?  My guitar skills haven't greatly improved, the friends I made I never talk to except at PAVAN, and the lessons I learned never stuck with me.  The educational program was great, but my internal flaws prevented me from progressing.  I can't even say it is time for me to become the person who gives when I'm probably worse than the person who is receiving.

I'm chatting with the PAVAN guitar teacher as I write this blog.  It is weird to have both emotions present in my mind.  Both of anger I have mentioned above but the joy of reminiscing.  Maybe I didn't learn what I was supposed to in PAVAN, but it was still an experience I want others to have.  In that sense, I have to step aside from receiving and allow others to take my place.  I don't know if where I'm heading will be any better, but I'll have to try to find fun in it.

It is really easy to escape from this responsibility, scarily easy.  There is nobody who can say they have always been prepared for responsibility.  I still don't want to leave this comfort of receiving.  I don't want to look after others.  Maybe when I'm fully in that position will I enjoy it.  That is how parents feel when teaching their children, maybe it is the same.  I don't really fully understand my thoughts on this subject, but I'll figure it out eventually.

Happy

I've never blogged while happy before, but I'm happy now so let's see what happens.  Sudden bouts of happiness are really weird.  Usually they are generated from music in my case.  I consider myself realistic, but sometimes people need those moments of happiness.  A period they feel like they are on top of the world and can do anything.  Have ambitious dreams that may never comes true.  Sometimes it isn't worth dwelling on the fact that those things are not possible.

But I think that is why I seek out people who are different than me.  None of my friends are like me, and I'm happy about that.  Don't know how they put up with me.  My friends are quirky, thinking in ways an analytically kid like me couldn't naturally manufacture.  Many of my friends have traits I want to adopt because I know my mentality is lacking.  There are more ways for me to change than what is learned in a classroom.  Yes I have regressed through this process a few times, but I have move forward as well.  I don't know it if it wrong that I introject the traits of others into myself, but I can say it is natural.  We learn and grow because of others.

People have said I sound confident in my ideals, which I guess is true.  It is the viewpoint I have established through the process seen above.  Still, I can see the flaws, because my minds don't coexist properly.  One mindset I cannot seem to find a way to get into myself is determination.  I'm so willing to give up; it is pathetic.  Things have fallen into place too much for me that I have never learned how to struggle.  This sort of works with my lack of passion.  With passion I would have the guts to fight against adversity.  Maybe in college I will be able to gain that as well.

Back to being happy.  Chatting with people now in a way that when I look back will sound insane.  To one girl who was one of the lower students in my English class I'm leaving my English legacy to her while another I'm explaining how, at her party, I will slap anybody who is too shy and will not devote themselves to the party.  This is the perfect mindset to give a speech or something, I'm just so pumped.  If one thinks realistically all the time, then there is no hope for true improvement.  It is making me happier that I can learn things while being happy.

Fourth of July

Today was an interesting day, not because I did stuff really, just because it was.  In the morning I helped my dad paint the hallway.  My job was to tape everything, which is a very tedious task.  I'm a perfectionist so I kept retaping until it was perfect.  It was the perfect time to listen to Exit Tunes Kamikyoku wo Utattemita.  Some I could tell were vocaloids while others sounded really awesome.  Slow and fast songs mixed together; it was fun to listen to while doing tedious labor.

After watching a filler arc of Naruto and playing some Pokemon, I did was is required on a day like this: watch marathons!  I have a lot of channels I don't want to I started watching this show on the ID channel about bad marriages.  It told stories about one of the spouses doing something insane that ruined the marriage.  For example, one husband trafficked cocaine for the Mexican mafia.

I knew it was happening in my heart so I had to do it.  Sure enough, Syfy was having a Twilight Zone marathon.  This show is my all time favorite show.  This show is the first show to make me actually think.  It plays on the fears of the post-WWII generation: Cold War, communism, nuclear weapons, space, discrimination, class, society. It also utilizes the innate human fears like loneliness and ambition.  It takes those ideas and puts them in a science fiction show.  The show's intelligence is what drives it.  Many episodes involve a single character going about the plot, purely driven by the music and the person's acting.  The cool part about the show is the language is sounds, well the only way I can call it is Shakespearean.  Not in the sense of not understandable but in the sense of always high brow, dense with information, and utilizing a variety of literary techniques to make the point across.  I have seen every episode and I can praise this show forever.

After all that I went outside and saw the fireworks.  The weather was awesome.  Hot but with a breeze.  I hate the cold so much, so the heat was nice.  Also, the fresh air of outside was way better than the paint smell of my house.  From my balcony I can see the fireworks at Sherando Park so I pulled out a chair and started watching.  It was going well until I started to see flashes of light but no fireworks.  After a while the breeze started to pick up and I realized it was a storm.  The weather was too awesome for me to go outside so I sat there watching the fireworks in front of me and the lightning  to the right of me.  Amazing experience.

House Invasion

So I said I would start going to people's houses.  Even though I have been friends with people for a long time, I never really hung out with them after school.  So I decided to go to their houses.

Sam and Victoria's house.  Awesome and fun.  Enough said.

Elizabeth's house.  Disorganized and organized at the same time.  Didn't know how scared I should be of her mom, so I played it cool.  Sisters knew of me so that was fine.

Marilyn's house.  Dad is a big VT person, but I don't care about schools that much so that was fine.  He seems to love everybody sport but soccer, so I had to lay down the law to him.

Casey's house. Monopoly and Just Dance.  Was fun.

Mike's house.  Watched Battle Royale with some of his gaming buds.  Not really part of that circle but it was fun to joke around with them.

Indian houses are assumed, but I'll list them anyway.

Surika's house. Been there all my life so it is always fun.  We play ALL OF THE BOARDGAMES!

Shannon's house.  What we always do there.  Exercise on all her fancy equipment, play table tennis and air hockey, and jam out on some instruments.

Abhinav's house.  Sit around and play video games.

Yeah that is really all for the month of June.  I'm really bad at this.  It seems awkward to ask people to go to their houses when we don't really interact outside of school.

A Nice Ending

So happy and sad right now.  Let me explain.  There is this group called the Speed Gamers, which holds video game marathons for charity.  They play the games, stream them online, and take donations for different causes.  I’ve only seen one marathon completely and that was the Pokémon Marathon back in 2008.  They collected $5,923.69 for ACT Today, which is a charity for autism.

The last couple of days, the Speed Gamers did another Pokémon Marathon, also for ACT Today, but with a goal of $50,000.  The catching of the Pokémon is fun, and the earning money for charity is fun, but the most fun part is the community.  While some of their members are playing the games, other members are talking with the fans on chats, or doing crazy things on the other screen.  There are contests, auctions, raffles, drawings, singing, random goofing off, just everything awesome.  Having fun while giving to a good cause.  

The goal of this marathon was to capture 646 Pokémon, which they did with about 3 min. to spare.  On the previous day when the donation was getting close to 50,000, Bulbagarden, a website dedicated to Pokémon, donated 1,000 dollars, pushing the donation to the goal! The last raffle of the show was an Oshawott doll.  People had to donate in the name of one of the members of the Speed Gamers.  The fans went crazy, donating almost 4,000 dollars just over that doll; bidding went past the deadline by 1.5 hours.  Y3llow deserved it, he did sing “Call Me Maybe” on a previous day.  

As per tradition, the marathon ended with “The Final Countdown.”  The community was just so awesome.  No flame wars, no evil, just people who had a genuine love of Pokémon and helping charity.  It was sad to leave the group, but alas the event was over.  So congratulations to the Speed Gamers for capturing 646 Pokémon and donating $57,543.50 to ACT Today, a record for the Speed Gamers.  

Awesome Job Guys

Maybe Something You Will Not Agree With, But It Was On My Mind

First month of summer started and I feel the decay.  Knowledge I acquired is slowly draining from my mind.  We learned all of this info and worked so hard in our lives just to watch it crumble away in the gentle winds of summer (or the huge storm we saw today).  I feel I have to struggle to maintain my current knowledge, with little hope of acquiring more by myself.  What is the point of grasping this info?  To be different.  

On another topic, for some reason this summer feels lonelier than previous summers, though it really isn’t.  Maybe because I don’t have books to read.  Why do I feel this way?  I was content all the other summers, why is this the summer that makes me super bored?  Again, I feel it is a method to be different.  

Then I guess the real question is: why do we try to be different?  Let’s face it, only a few people in the world will actually be different, people who are amazing and will be in the annals of history.  Everybody else is just a reiteration of another.  We live mediocre lives.  Yeah I know you are thinking “you can’t know until you try” and all that crap.  Yes I’m an idealist like that too but I know and you should know that sometimes being special is beyond our own control, even if the ideals of our society and capitalism say otherwise.  

That is the paradigm of our society.  We always want to make the next day better than this one.  Why not just be happy and content with life as it is?  Unless you are one of those great people, this is all you are going to get.  To live without wishing to be special is harder than expected.  We always feel we are special, as individuals and as a species.  But it is the destiny for humans to strive for this specialness, only to fail.  

The hard thing for people to understand is they are not special.  Someone can probably do what you do better.  Doesn’t mean you should quit everything, but it means find enjoyment without the expectation of being special.  It means to strive to be better without the expectation of surpassing humanity’s bounds.  To live without hurting others, without stealing (not in a material sense), without causing a wave, that is hard for humans to do.  This is the ordinary, mundane life we live.  Best leave the pain of thinking yourself special and live life as it really is.